Self love is more important than you think and definitely NOT vane or selfish.
We are living in a world of pressure. Pressure to look right, move right, say the right things, do the 'in' thing. Technology and social media make other people very available to us. This definitely has its benefits - for example it allows me to bring you education, support and advice - however there are many draw backs too. We are led into the trap of constantly comparing ourselves, constantly thinking we should be better or do more, look better, have more likes, more followers. We spend so much time giving love to others but why don't we give it to ourselves?
It's easy to love our friends and family and so we should. It is also too easy nowadays to love complete strangers, love that we should be reserving for ourselves. It's also easy to forgive friends and family and these strangers but what about self forgiveness? Imagine if you psychologically beat up your friends as much as you beat up yourself? I know as I've done that and you don't keep many friends that way. So no wonder we find it hard to love ourselves with constant daily reminders that we aren't good enough, too fat, too thin, too stupid, not fit enough etc etc.
These are called limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs can be extremely harmful. Sadly I don't think I know anyone without at least one. I personally have plenty but recently I have started to ignore them! The problem with limiting beliefs is that they constrain us.
How many times have you told yourself that you are stupid? That you are ugly? That you can't do it? That you don't deserve it? That what you have to say isn't valuable? And have you ever thought about why you say these things to yourself?
We develop these limiting beliefs subconsciously based on our life experiences. They stop us from achieving what we want to achieve. This can then lead to us feel useless and pathetic and so the self love ceases. Now the only one who can really reverse these negative, limiting thoughts is you.
My lovely sister-in-law once said to me:
'You will only fall if you believe you will'
Now at the time she was referring to her crazy but extremely lovable sons climbing some sort of obstacle that made me sick to watch, but it has stuck with me as a something that we can use to help us overcome these limiting beliefs that haunt us all. If we can stop believing that we will fail, maybe, just maybe we will actually succeed!
Take my 'lives' for instance. These are something I have wanted to do for ages but I've always been held back by the thoughts that no one will watch, I will say the wrong thing, I don't know enough. Then one day I gave myself a good talking to. In fact a client, Sim, gave me an extremely good talking too and fro that I started to believe in myself a bit more. So I took myself off to the middle of my horses' field, straightened my hair and pressed 'go live' on my screen....and I haven't looked back since! The response was amazing and thanks to my incredible friends, family and clients I have learnt to love myself a little bit more and to realise that 'lives' are definitely something I can do!
So here is this 'talking to' from me to you.
You ARE Intelligent.
You ARE beautiful .
You CAN do it.
You DO deserve it.
You ARE valuable.
From now on, everyday I want you to start the day by looking in the mirror. Recite to yourself three positive things about yourself. It can be anything from how your eyes are sparkling today, how you hair looks great or skin clear, to I made a difference yesterday, my dog loves me or just simply 'I can do it' - emphasis the 'can'.
Write these down each day if you can so at your low points you can review them. By doing this you will be paving the way to a positive mindset and a more successful life. The effects of this positivity are ten fold. It reduces stress, anxiety and depression. It stops us from procrastinating making us more focused on work. Like daily gratitude, it brings satisfaction and a sense of contentment.
So, look at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself how wonderful you are and go and do you. Be proud - there is only one you and you are spectacular!